She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
