Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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