He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
