Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
