Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
