4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
