I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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