Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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