Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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