im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
