I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize