I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
