...so i touched it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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