We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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