When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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