I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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