Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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