he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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