wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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