worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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