I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
