you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
