i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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