she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
