was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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