I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
