i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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