I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
