so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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