Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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