now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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