Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
