everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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