just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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