So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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