I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
