Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
