Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
