I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
