Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wish my penis had a tongue
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
