All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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