she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
