I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
