Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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