***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
