He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
