You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
