i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
