I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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