3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
