I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
