the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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