im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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