Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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