i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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