Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
