Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
