I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
