remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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