He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
