it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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