Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
