Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were destined to go to rehab together
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
