Someone shit on the floor
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
