why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
