and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
