Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
