So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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