Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
