I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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