Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
