I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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