Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
