you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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