i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize