my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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