Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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