Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
