I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
