I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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