I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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