Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
