I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
