Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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