Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize