Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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