I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
