In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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