So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
