the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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