I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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