I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
