so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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