im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
