this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
