take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
