Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize