giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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