Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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