I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
