Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She bit a glass in half.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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