this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
