i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
