His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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