i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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