Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
