i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize