I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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