Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
