his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
