I hate your face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
