Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
